Mo's Bacon Bar

I have my share of obsessions: craft beer, first wave U.K. punk rock, Philly sports, chili, bad reality TV, Polish food, early '70s movies based on dystopian novels. Add another one to the list: gourmet chocolate. It's my latest fascination. It's emptying my pockets and fattening my waist line. I'm not talking Hershey bars or anything like that. I'm talking bars retailing for $7+ with somewhat exotic flavor combinations. My wife and I may or may have not spent over $100 on relatively small on-line order from DeBrand Fine Chocolates  in Fort Wayne. It may or may have not been insanely delicious.

I've been trying it all: chili chocolate, beef jerky chocolate, Cajun chocolate. But bacon chocolate takes the cake. I've found that everything is better with bacon - especially chocolate. Mo's Bacon Bar is one of many offerings from Vosges Haut-Chocolat, a company founded by French-trained Chicago chocolatier Katrina Markoff. I've never really considered myself an up-scale "haute cuisine" kind of guy, but in the case of candy I may be willing to make an exception. Yummy is yummy, ya know? Markoff's chocolate itself is out of this world. But when you add in the complementary flavors of something like bacon, that takes it to another level entirely. Inspired by Markoff's indelible childhood experience of eating chocolate chip pancakes and syrup with bacon, this bar is made for those of us who dig the sweet-and-salty thing. Hickory-smoked applewood bacon is chopped into bits and cooked into the milk chocolate along with a pinch of Alder salt. Perhaps bacon lovers might quibble about there not being "enough" bacon in the bar, but clearly this was a case where balance had to be considered. To my mind, it's just the right amount of bacon bits. The chocolate, so sweet and creamy, is still the star. But the addition of the saltiness and crunch of the bacon makes for an incredible flavor combination. It's a fairly large bar (three ounces), and surely sane people do not eat the whole thing in one sitting. I am not a sane person. Sure, I always intend to eat a quarter of a bar and save the rest for later. But it never works out that way. Once I start to eat a Mo's Bacon Bar, I know I'm going to finish it. I do not have the will power to stop. I will say, however, that this is one of those cases where it's "worth it" to be a pig. If I'm going to pay almost $8 for a candy bar, I'm 100 percent all-in. Calories be damned! It's not like I'm eating one of these things every single night (well, usually not).

I wholeheartedly recommend all the Vosges products (the Organic Peanut Butter Bon Bon bar is truly orgasmic), but my "pick" is Mo's Bacon Bar. I really do want to lose 11-14 pounds before my wife and I go to the beach next month, so certain sacrifices will have to be made. Ice cream, cupcakes, gourmet chocolate: something's got to go. Well, I could cut back on beer. Yeah, right! Perhaps the beach body aspirations need to be put on the back-burner. There's always next year.

-L.R.

www.vosgeschocolate.com/

Five Star Grub: Tony Packo's

Tony Packo's, a Toledo institution for 80 years, easily rates as my #1 favorite eating establishment. I've eaten there 12 or 13 times, and never has it failed to be absolutely awesome. I was introduced to Packo's by my wife, a native Toledoan. Any time we're in town, or even passing through, I can't stand to miss Packo's. I remember one time we were in Toledo and did not have time to make it to Packo's. I wept for hours.

Our most recent visit, which took place this past Thursday, was undertaken with a slight bit of uncertainty. It was our first trip to Packo's since it was sold earlier this year. We had to wonder. Would it still be the same under new ownership? Would the food be up to its usual, iconic standards? The answer was an unequivocal yes!

If you've never had a Hungarian hot dog before, that's understandable. There was no such thing until Tony Packo I invented it eight decades ago. And to my knowledge, there is no Hungarian hot dog anywhere else in this world besides at Tony Packo's. A Packo's dog is nothing like a regular hot dog. Really it's a Hungarian sausage on a hot dog bun, with a spice profile to die for and a spectacularly snappy bite. Topped with chili sauce and shredded cheese, it's a mouthful and a delightful one at that. Hands down, it's the best hot dog I've ever had. Just thinking about it right now is giving me tingles. Ahhhh! If the Packo's dog were the only thing on the menu, it would probably still be my favorite restaurant. But here's the bonus: the chili might be even better! Okay, maybe not better. But at least as good. I'm somewhat nuts about chili, and for years I've kept a mental top five list of the best chilis out there. Whatever used to be #1 lost its spot once I tried the chili at Packo's. Now there's such an immense gap between #1 and #2 that I've decided to leave the #2 spot vacant out of respect. They don't call it their "famous" chili for nothing. It's all in the spices - in this case a Hungarian recipe that's stood the test of time. I would eat a tub of the stuff. And speaking of Hungarian spices, the must-have side dish at Packo's has to be the paprikas dumplings. So simple, yet so good. Also to not be missed are their sweet hot pickles!

The problem with only getting to eat at Packo's once or twice a year is that I can't afford to experiment with my food selections. I've never had the stuffed cabbage, chili mac, roast beef, or mashed potatoes. It just doesn't pay to stray. I like to go with a cup of chili, two dogs, a side of paprikas, and perhaps an order of pickles. You don't mess with perfection. If I'm feeling particularly gluttonous, I'll order the M*O*A*D, which is a ginormous version of the Packo's dog that's four times the size of a regular dog. I've had the chicken chili a couple of times, and that's aces too. My wife ordered the chili sundae last week, and boy is that a sight to see. It comes out in a sundae dish, with taco chips on the side, and it's filled with chili, cheese, and sour cream. I know, right? It's a food dream come true! And be sure to save room for the strudel!

I have seen some comments on-line about Packo's being hit-or-miss these days. Maybe we've just been lucky, but for us it's always been a hit. I can't vouch for all five locations, but the Packo's in Sylvania is where we went last week. And it was as good as it's ever been. We've also been to The Packo's by the baseball stadium a number of times and have never left disappointed. All the well-documented legal issues and family squabbles that have gone on behind the scenes have not seemed to affect the quality of the food. If you're anywhere within driving distance of Toledo and have never had a Packo's dog, it's not a question of if you should go. It's a question of when you're going.

-L.R. 

http://www.tonypacko.com/

The Cheat Meal Chronicles: Part One

Eight weeks into Operation Beach Body, you’d expect me to be going insane. As of yesterday morning, I’d dropped 19 pounds since January 9. I’m on track to be under 180 pounds by April 1st. But progress has come at a price. Eating right every night, restricting calories, limiting myself to one beer a day, depriving myself of sweets and pop and night time snacks…it has not been fun. I’m drinking tea every night! But my wife and I, both committed to this project, have found a little sanity every seventh day. The weekly cheat meal has become a ritual of ours. When one cheat meal ends, we start planning the next. We talk about it nightly. We often consult charts and graphs and ancient texts full of wisdom. And when you only allow yourself to pig out one day a week, you have to make it count. Previous cheat meals have consisted of such courses as chili and chicken wings, Famous Dave’s barbeque, Canadian poutine and burgers, hog maw (pig’s stomach), and bratwurst with sides of kraut, red cabbage, and German potato salad. In a typical week, I will lose 2-5 pounds, only to gain half of it back in one day. But it’s so worth it. Cheat Day is like Christmas, my birthday, and The Super Bowl all rolled into one. There are balloons, costumes, and theme music. I will now count down my top ten ultimate cheat meals. It is my goal to hit every one of these before the year is out.

(in no particular order)

Famous Dave’s
As referenced above, we have already done this one once. And we’re going back next week. This is far and away the best chain restaurant barbeque out there. The chili is out of this world. The brisket cannot be beat. I think I’m passing on the chopped pork next week and going straight for the ribs. Good sides, too. Mmmmm, corn bread!

Cheesecake Factory
I will always wait for a seat at Cheesecake. And it’s not just the cheesecake. They make the best Cuban sandwich this side of the 30th parallel. The appetizers are appetizing. The entrees are immense and delectable. And oh yeah, that cheesecake.Yeah. Yeah!

Friendly’s
So the food is nothing special. But since early childhood, I have made an art form out of destroying the five-scoop Reese’s Pieces Sundae in short order. Precede that with a burger and fries, and you’re talking epic pig-out! Hell, I might even order a Coke!

“Loaded” fries
Lots of sports bar type establishments offer something along these lines. And given that cheat day is the only day I allow myself unlimited calories, it’s my only chance to indulge the loaded fry sort of deal. Basically, you’re talking melted cheese over a couple pounds of fries, with bacon and sour cream in the mix as well. I call this light fare.

Bojangle’s
Gimme a breast and a wing, some dirty rice, a tall sweet tea, and two biscuits. Now that is eating! We tried a cheat meal once with KFC - it just wasn’t satisfying!

Irish pub grub
I love Irish pubs so much that I think I’d like to live in one. When I go to a brew pub, the beer is primary and the food is secondary. It’s the other way around at an Irish pub. Bangers and mash or shepherd’s pie for the main course, preceded by loaded potato skins and brown bread. My uncle likes to believe that The Rutledges are at least partially Irish. It would be cruel to argue and break his heart. 

Steak N’ Shake
With all due respect to Five Guys Burgers and Fries, if I’m going to cheat with a cheeseburger, it’s going to be a Steak N’ Shake double. Add fries (double order!), a vanilla shake, and a Coke with cherry syrup. I can die happy.

Chicken Wings
Fill two buckets full of wings. Make sure the sauce brings the heat. Fetch me one beer, one water, and one milk. Watch me eat.

Sausage decadence
One Polish kielbasa, one German bratwurst, one Hungarian sausage. No sides necessary. Just spicy mustard.

Grand Traverse Pie Company
We have to go all the way to Michigan for this one, and we most certainly will. Prime rib pot pie. Apple crumb pie. Absolutely to die for. And if the Michigan cherries are in season, do not pass on the cherry pie!

We have less than four weeks to go until Operation Beach Body concludes. At that point, all dietary restrictions will be suspended while we vacation in Riviera Maya. Upon our return, it will be back to healthy living...six days a week.

-L.R.

Burger of the Year

While the full slate of Lord Rutledge Award winners will not be announced until New Year’s Eve, certain categories of exceptionally high importance have been afforded “extended coverage”. Album of the Year gets its own article, and so does Burger of the Year. In preparation for this list, I’ve been deep in thought for many weeks - often with a burger (or two) in my mouth. I took notes. I explored my feelings. After much reflection and extensive research, I have identified and ranked the ten best burgers of 2011. Behold, burger lovers! The list has been posted! Learn it. Know it. Live it.

10. McDonald’s McDouble
While very little of the post-breakfast Golden Arches menu is suitable for human consumption (even their “angus” burgers taste like Soylent Green), the old school McDonald’s hamburger has changed very little in my lifetime. This is the classic McDonald’s burger, double-stacked for your pleasure and priced well under $2. Yeah, I know it sucks they changed the name and took it off the dollar menu. It’s been three years - get over it.

9. Bob Evans Big Farm Smokehouse Burger
The price point on this thing is kind of ridiculous, but let’s not quibble. At least it’s not Applebee’s. This is a good burger, and toppings like Monterey-jack cheese, Memphis spice-rubbed bacon, and chipotle sauce send the flavor over the top. They don’t make this one in the microwave.

8. Fuddruckers ½ Pound Three Cheese Burger
“World’s Greatest Hamburgers”? More like the world’s eighth-greatest hamburgers. Ya gotta love that fresh produce bar, though. Nine times out of ten, I’ll just opt for the buffalo or wild boar burger.

7. Wendy’s Baconator Double
My wife is boycotting Wendy’s these days because she objects to their new “premium” pickles. I’m with her - what was wrong with the old pickles? Not a thing! The Baconator, though, has no pickles.

6. DuClaw Brewing Co. Spanish Kobe Burger
This is the only non national chain burger on the list. Turns out that the food at DuClaw Brewing Co. is actually better than the beer! How does a charbroiled Kobe beef patty topped with prosciutto, piquillo pepper aioli, and melted manchego cheese on a toasted brioche roll sound? Yeah, I know!

5. Chili’s Jalapeno Smokehouse Burger
As we well know, certain “casual” dining chains are not always known for quality. This joint is an exception. And the JSB is one hell of a fine burger.

4. Burger King Whopper
Still an American classic. 

3. Hardee’s 1/3 Pound Original Thickburger
Made with 100 percent black angus beef, and it shows. Didn’t Hardee’s used to suck? Yes, it sure did. It doesn’t anymore.

2. Five Guys Cheeseburger
Why is Five Guys so great? Their regular cheeseburger is a double cheeseburger! If you only want a single patty (Lightweight!), you have to ask for a “little” cheeseburger. This ain’t no health food chain. Greasy, juicy goodness reigns supreme in this house. Toppings are free. The meat is fresh - the place doesn’t even have a freezer! And the bun rules as well.

 1. Steak ‘N Shake Original Double n’ Cheese Steakburger
78 years old and going strong, the Original Double n’ Cheese has yet to be topped. Made from real steak and housed in a toasted butter bun that’ll bring your mouth to orgasm, this bad boy is a bargain at $3.99. Don’t forget fries!

Notice in the photo above, Handsome Dick is taunting me because he can have White Castle burgers and I cannot. I vow to get to a White Castle in the year 2012. I also vow to, for the first time since the early 1970s, try putting ketchup on fries. How will these developments affect my next burger list? Tune in next year!

- L.R.

Food of the Year: The Contenders

By popular demand (actually just the singular suggestion of Dr. Shawn Abnoxious), I am publicly announcing the nominees for this year’s Faster and Louder Food of the Year Award. The victor, along with all the rest of the 2011 Faster and Louder Award winners, will be declared at a black-tie event to be held New Year’s Eve at a top secret location. Many of the following food items have already been mentioned in this very blog space. Some have not. Pay attention. You may be quizzed on this material at a later date.

The nominees:

Tony Packo’s hot dog (Toledo, OH)

Steak N’ Shake double steakburger

The Slice of Heaven sub at The Deli of Italy (York, PA) (Sicilian salami, capocollo, prosciutto, fresh mozzarella)

Hardee’s Original Thickburger combo

The Original Philly cheesesteak at Philadelphia Steaks & Hoagies (Camp Hill, PA)

I had originally nominated the gyros at Gyro X-Press in York, but upon further review the fifth and final nomination must go to Hardee’s. First of all, Hardee’s has by far the best fast food French fries going (McDonald’s be damned!). And the 1/3 pound Thickburger – made from angus beef – is up there with the Wendy’s double at the very top of its class. Hardee’s, once a declining power in the fast food world, has made itself over in recent years by emphasizing quality at a slightly higher price point than its competitors. Driven by my latest numerical imperative, Mission 350 (the objective is to deadlift 350 pounds, without straps, by the end of the year), I have been visiting Hardee’s on an average of twice a week in pursuit of extreme nutritional fortification. I recommend that you do the same.

Other honors to be handed out at the 2011 Faster and Louder Awards may include:

Album of the Year

Song of the Year

Beer of the Year

The Championship Belt (awarded to the reigning Greatest Band on Earth)

Album of the Year Masters Class (only bands formed prior to 1986 are eligible)

Best New Band

The Patrick Bateman Prize for Excellence in Music Criticism

Least Sucky Mainstream Hit Single
The Faster and Louder Lifetime Achievement Award

Tickets for this first annual extravaganza will soon be available from your local purveyors of Polish sausage, craft beer, plus-sized pornographic films, and strongman training equipment. Andy Dick is tentatively signed on to host. The Mongrolls will be playing songs from their new album and debuting their two new members who were recently smuggled into Cape Cod via row boat. ESPN 4 will have the live broadcast. Stay tuned!

- L.R.

Italian Subs 101

Tomorrow begins that most wonderful time of the year – football season. For the next 23 weekends, all activities in the Rutledge household will be arranged around the television gridiron schedule. And since the Marzen (a.k.a. Oktoberfest) beer season generally begins around the same time, the arrival of September is always a doubly glorious occasion in my life. One ritual of ours is to consume Italian subs on game day (i.e., when Notre Dame plays). I’ve found that you can get a sub almost anywhere, but a genuine first-rate Italian sub is hard to come by. I, for one, think everything on the menu at Subway is gross. Luckily there’s a local establishment called The Deli of Italy that claims to sell “the best sandwiches in York”. Of course they’re making a truthful claim (it’s not like there’s much competition in that department!). Better yet, they are one of the few shops in the entire state that can properly make an Italian sub. A first-rate Italian sub has begun to rival the Philly cheesesteak for the title of most popular sandwich in our home. And since most people’s idea of an Italian sub is to just stuff some salami and ham into a roll, I will now summarize the key components to this heavyweight of the sandwich world:

The Roll

As is the case with a cheesesteak, a quality roll is crucial to the success of an Italian sub. Preferably, your roll is of the Italian style, slightly crunchy, and fresh-baked. A foot-long hot dog roll will not do.

The Meats

There’s nothing wrong with your basic deli ham. But for maximum flavor I prefer Italian cured pork cuts (Capocollo, Prosciutto) and bolongas (Soppressata, Mortadella) in tandem with Genoa or Sicilian salami. Some of these cold cuts may seem “chewier”, but from a taste standpoint they’re spicier, smokier, and far tastier than run-of-the-mill lunchmeat. As is the case with my beer-drinking habits, I have expensive tastes when it comes to cold cuts. I’ll think nothing of dropping nine bucks on a 12-inch Italian sub made with top-of-the-line imported meats. It’s worth it.

The Cheeses

Provolone is king, and fresh mozzarella is flat-out to die for. Come on: who puts American cheese on an Italian sub?

The Toppings

Start with your traditional hoagie toppings: lettuce, tomatoes, onions. Then pile on hot peppers. The topper should be a spicy, oil-and-vinegar based Italian dressing. Mmmm!

Our go-to Italian sub comes with Sicilian salami, capocollo, prosciutto, and fresh mozzarella. My wife likes to special-order hers, substituting mayo for the oil and provolone for the fresh mozzarella. She also skips the onions and hot peppers. I’m more of a traditionalist and love the zing of the peppers and oil. Either way, it’s the roll and the meats that really make the sandwich. I’ve not been able to replicate a Deli of Italy sub with store-bought ingredients, but I can at least mimic the spicy kick by using hoagie spread (a glorious mix of crushed red peppers and vinegar that’s popular on the East Coast) and Tallarico’s hot chip steak peppers. These two ingredients can give any ordinary sandwich that special “Philly” flavor. And while a Philly hoagie and an Italian sub are not necessarily the same thing (“Hoagie” in these parts is just regional slang for any sub), they’re at least close relatives. If you live in Maine, you probably think the Italian sub was invented there by Italian immigrants around the turn of the 20^th Century. But it’s just as likely that Philadelphia’s first versions of Italian subs, hoagies, were developed at the same time or even prior to it (in kind of the same way that The Ramones and Saints both “invented” punk rock in the early ‘70s without any knowledge of one another). The sub sandwich, like punk rock, has evolved somewhat over the decades. I like to think of the modern-day Italian sub as The Registrators' 16 Wires of hoagies – the best and most highly evolved! Seek one out and enjoy!

- L.R.

The Best Thing I Ever Ate

Should I ever be sentenced to execution for suspected acts of revolt against the Powers That Be, I do hope I will be granted a last meal request. I’d have many options to consider. Personal favorites like kielbasa, brats, a Philly cheesesteak (with onions and Whiz), a Steak N’ Shake triple (with fries, a vanilla Coke, and a vanilla shake), bangers & mash (at The Still in Timonium, Maryland), a Miami-style Cuban, and a Primanti Brothers kolbassi and cheese (with egg!) would all be in the running. But the ultimate winner would be Tony Packo’s - an icon of Toledo, Ohio since 1932 and home to the best hot dogs you’ll ever taste. A hot dog at Packo’s is not a hot dog in the traditional sense but rather a Hungarian sausage on a bun. It’s thick and juicy and supremely delicious, and when you take that first bite you get that nice crunch from the casing. Mmmm! No other dog can touch this! With this being my last meal and all, I would not screw around. I’d get the M.O.A.D. (“mother of all dogs”), which is four times the size of a regular Packo’s dog and comes on a foot-long roll topped with chili and shredded cheese. I’d take that bad boy down and then do my best “Freedom!” cry a la Mel Gibson in Braveheart. My sides would be paprikas dumplings and sweet hot pickles, and I’d stretch out my stomach with a cup of chili. I consider myself quite the connoisseur of chili. I’ve had chili everywhere, and Packo’s has the very best. It’s all in the Hungarian spices! And although some of the Packo’s locations only serve swill beer, I’ve come to associate the Packo’s experience with exactly that. I always have my Packo’s meals with a draught of Labatt Blue (arguably the best of all swill beers), and that’s how I like it. If any of you are co-conspirators of mine and wind up along for the last meal ride, surely you’ll find something to your liking on the Packo’s menu. The stuffed cabbage, chili mac, fried green pickles, chili sundae, and chicken paprikas are all the stuff of legend – or at least they should be. A Packo family feud now has this T-Town institution in legal and financial trouble, and should it be forced to close I will weep openly for days if not weeks. Oh, you mighty M.O.A.D.! I will see you in ten days!

- L.R.

http://www.tonypackos.com/

Cheesesteaks 101

1. There are only three completely essential ingredients to a Philly cheesesteak: thinly-sliced rib eye steak, melted cheese, and a long Italian roll (preferably Amoroso's). Grilled onions, while in essence the fourth ingredient, are optional.

2. Additional toppings such as mushrooms, tomato sauce, and peppers are commonly ordered but in no way define an authentic cheesesteak.

3. If you ask for lettuce, tomatoes, and mayo on your cheesesteak, that is not a proper cheesesteak but rather a cheesesteak hoagie.

4. Contrary to what you've heard, Whiz is not the one-and-only true authentic cheesesteak cheese. If you really want to get "old school" about it, provolone is THE cheese. Whiz is by far the best-selling cheesesteak cheese. American cheese ranks second, ahead of provolone. John Kerry infamously tried to order a cheesesteak with Swiss. Such behavior is not acceptable and may, in fact, be illegal.

5. The steak on a cheesesteak, after being thinly sliced, may be chopped (a la Pat's King of Steaks) or not chopped (a la Geno's Steaks).

6. The first cheesesteaks, sold by Pat and Harry Olivieri in the early 1930s, actually did not have cheese on them. They contained only chopped steak and grilled onions. "Cocky Joe" Lorenza, a manager at one of the Pat's locations, later added provolone cheese.  

7. The proper way to order a Philly cheesesteak: for a steak with Whiz and onions, order "Whiz Wit". For a provolone steak without onions, order "Provolone Witout".

- L.R.

Burger Wars: Part One

It is my firm belief that trademarks should be earned, not bought. Fuddruckers’ trademark, “World’s Greatest Hamburgers”, may or may not be accurate. And based on personal experience, I’m more likely to say not. Fudds doesn’t even have the best burgers in my hometown – much less the world. If you’ve got a Five Guys Burgers and Fries in your hometown (or three, as we do in York!), then you too are likely to call shenanigans on Fudds’ claims of world supremacy. There ought to be some kind of world series of chain burgers – a nationally televised event, held yearly, pitting Fudds and Five Guys head-to-head. Judging would be a panel of burger lovers from all corners of the planet. The winner would get the world’s-greatest title.

It’s not that I doubt Fudds’ intent to produce the “World’s Greatest Hamburgers”. They use 100 percent premium-cut beef, and their cattle are free-roaming and fed a strictly vegetarian diet. Like Five Guys (and Wendy’s), they don’t freeze their beef, and the product is fresher for it. I am a discerning consumer and quite willing to pay a little more for high quality eats – so it’s not like I think it’s outrageous that one has to drop somewhere around $10 for a burger/fries/drink combo at Fudds. It’s just that a similar meal at Five Guys (if you get the single patty) will generally run you a couple dollars less – and, in my book, it TASTES better! And the fries…forget about it! They’re fresh cut, right out of the freaking potato sack, and the serving size is ridiculous. A small is big, and a large is practically a tub. Fudds and their standard issue wedges can’t even attempt to compete, which is probably why they don’t claim to have the “World’s Greatest Fries”. And what to make of Fudds’ famous “Build Your Own” fixings bar? Overrated! Big deal- tomatoes, onions, pickles, lettuce…You can get that at ANY burger joint! I’m not as big of a bun freak as some burger lovers are (it’s all about the meat with me), but at the very least Five Guys runs neck-and-neck with Fudds in the bun department. They’re both above average and freshly baked. It comes down to the patty in the end – as it should.

Always cooked well-done and maximally juicy, the Five Guys burger is the best-tasting “fast” food burger I’ve had. Its greasy goodness leaves Fudds in the dust. Now if we bring sitdown chain Steak N’ Shake into the conversation - with their family friendly prices, deliciously buttery buns, crunchy shoe string fries, and juicy, paper-thin beefsteak patties – Five Guys and Fudds might both go down in defeat. But that’s a story for another time...

- L.R.