Monday, August 22, 2011

Project 175: The Battle Begins

Losing weight, no matter how interesting you try to make it, is not nearly as fun as gaining weight. Operation 200 was ultimately a failure, but boy did I enjoy it! It was ten days of unrestrained gluttony in the American Midwest as I freely indulged in all three of my essential food groups: the meat group, the beer group, and the sweets group. I laid around, relaxed, and fattened myself up with great diligence. Having missed the milestone 200 mark by approximately two pounds, I was unable to raise my fist in the air victoriously. But no worries! A new endeavor begins on this day - the first of “fall” 2011 on the Rutledge calendar (which revolves around my wife’s teaching schedule). Project 175 commences, and it will be far tougher than Operation 200. The task is to “cut down” to 175 pounds for a couple reasons. #1, I am a man of 40 and need to worry about such things as cholesterol, blood sugar, and blood pressure. #2, my wife and I are planning to partake of a Caribbean beach vacation early next year, and I want to be shredded for the beach (because, you know, I’m a vain, self-obsessed A-hole).

And so it goes. I arose this morning and weighed in (198 on the home scale). My waist line measured an out-of-hand 36 ¼ inches. I turned on my XM radio and tuned in to Little Steven’s Underground Garage channel. For the purposes of ceremony, I blasted the rock n’ roll and shaved my nine-day-old beard. My cat walked by and meowed out of respect. The game face is on. It’s time to get down to business. I will hereby be limiting myself to one beer per day. Sweets are out. Pop is out. Late night snacking is out. Branched chain amino acids and whey protein will be purchased in bulk. My first objective is to get down to 190 within three weeks. Workouts will no longer be devoted to hoisting ego-boosting poundages. I’m training for function. I’m training for performance. If Armageddon comes between now and the end of the year, I will be fit for hand-to-hand combat. Mad Max would understand. So would Rambo.

If you hear a scream around Eastern Time tonight, it’s just me jonesing for oatmeal raisin cookies.

- L.R.

8 comments:

Shawn Abnoxious said...

I talked to the boys in the league office. We took a meeting... Josh, I cant get behind Pj175 the way I got behind you on Pj200.

For one, I have chosen my side. Im with Pj200. I BELIEVED in that shit. I just cant switch teams like (snap) that! It seems lime you are working harder ay Pj175 than Pj200. I understand that its harder to lose weight, but you shouldnt have undetestimated yor commitment to Pj200.

Im sticking with the failed Pj200. THAT was a beautiful run. I think you mistook your cats meow. It was a disgruntled meow. He called me on the phone and told me so.

If you listened closely he said "Nooootnowwww"

Dosent a 16"er cheesesteak sound good chuck?

Lord Rutledge said...

The cats are disgruntled. The neighbors are picketing. The ice cream man threatened to strike me. This will not be a popular endeavor. We'll see how long it lasts- maybe just long enough to con my doctor into believing I'm "healthy".

gunther said...

To your vanity point, will you start tanning in preparation for the Rastaland vacation?

Lord Rutledge said...

I have discovered that I am completely incapable of tanning. I was born to be pale. Even my pale Irish/Latvian wife laughs at my paleness. There goes my dream of winning a masters class natural bodybuilding show in five years.

Shawn Abnoxious said...

Haha. Mein bruddy Matt Puke is similarly pale. He blows his nose a lot and has bad allergies. We started calling him PALE HULK...

The ice cream man... haha love it!

Lord Rutledge said...

So I'm sitting here watching Man V. Food, and I'm realizing my heart's just not into Project 175. Maybe I should find a happy medium and shoot for 190. That'll keep the ice cream man off my back. The wife just handed me some spending cash...I'm feeling a big burger lunch tomorrow!

Shawn Abnoxious said...

Holy shit. I seen this post AFTER the 'important announcement' you will feel better after the burger Josh... I promise.

Lord Rutledge said...

Two Egg McMuffins for breakfast. There's fuel in the tank to get Mission 190 off the ground.