Burger Wars: Part One

It is my firm belief that trademarks should be earned, not bought. Fuddruckers’ trademark, “World’s Greatest Hamburgers”, may or may not be accurate. And based on personal experience, I’m more likely to say not. Fudds doesn’t even have the best burgers in my hometown – much less the world. If you’ve got a Five Guys Burgers and Fries in your hometown (or three, as we do in York!), then you too are likely to call shenanigans on Fudds’ claims of world supremacy. There ought to be some kind of world series of chain burgers – a nationally televised event, held yearly, pitting Fudds and Five Guys head-to-head. Judging would be a panel of burger lovers from all corners of the planet. The winner would get the world’s-greatest title.

It’s not that I doubt Fudds’ intent to produce the “World’s Greatest Hamburgers”. They use 100 percent premium-cut beef, and their cattle are free-roaming and fed a strictly vegetarian diet. Like Five Guys (and Wendy’s), they don’t freeze their beef, and the product is fresher for it. I am a discerning consumer and quite willing to pay a little more for high quality eats – so it’s not like I think it’s outrageous that one has to drop somewhere around $10 for a burger/fries/drink combo at Fudds. It’s just that a similar meal at Five Guys (if you get the single patty) will generally run you a couple dollars less – and, in my book, it TASTES better! And the fries…forget about it! They’re fresh cut, right out of the freaking potato sack, and the serving size is ridiculous. A small is big, and a large is practically a tub. Fudds and their standard issue wedges can’t even attempt to compete, which is probably why they don’t claim to have the “World’s Greatest Fries”. And what to make of Fudds’ famous “Build Your Own” fixings bar? Overrated! Big deal- tomatoes, onions, pickles, lettuce…You can get that at ANY burger joint! I’m not as big of a bun freak as some burger lovers are (it’s all about the meat with me), but at the very least Five Guys runs neck-and-neck with Fudds in the bun department. They’re both above average and freshly baked. It comes down to the patty in the end – as it should.

Always cooked well-done and maximally juicy, the Five Guys burger is the best-tasting “fast” food burger I’ve had. Its greasy goodness leaves Fudds in the dust. Now if we bring sitdown chain Steak N’ Shake into the conversation - with their family friendly prices, deliciously buttery buns, crunchy shoe string fries, and juicy, paper-thin beefsteak patties – Five Guys and Fudds might both go down in defeat. But that’s a story for another time...

- L.R.